I feel awkward talking with a group of people. I'm self conscious. Then I feel even more self conscious when it becomes obvious I'm not joining in on the conversations.
I was a loner until I got born again at fifteen and started going to a church youth group. I enjoyed the prayer meetings, worship services and Bible studies, but felt uncomfortable going out for ice cream or to basketball games with the other youth.
My fondest memories of high school years were the church retreats. I looked forward to the gatherings at night where we'd turn the lights down, quietly sing worship songs and have intercessory prayers. Those who had needs would take turns sitting in the middle of the group and the rest of the youth would lay hands on them and pray. I liked being touched and I liked believing God loved me.
I'd still rather be touched in a dimly lit room than converse at a dinner party. Come to think of it, I don't care to talk to anyone at any time. Not even with people who think they're my friends. Yeah, this is a handicap in some ways and the outgoing types seem to be having a better time than I am, but I enjoy aspects of my introversion.
The lone woman is the free woman. As much as my body and physical restraints allow, I do and think what I want. Everyday I see the chains of convention as something imaginary to be transcended. Therein is my happiness and immortality.
Promiscuous sex, being disparaged by convention and requiring little conversation, is a favorite pastime for rebellious introverts like myself.
